Where to begin...
Well, last Wednesday, Aaron turned 6 months old! It's hard to believe our baby boy is half way to his first birthday already! While at his appointment, I found out that he dropped from the 58th percentile in weight to the 16th. The doctor was rather surprised and we started discussing how he's been doing. Caleb also had a significant drop around the same time, so she wasn't overly concerned, just wanted to look into it a bit. During the previous week, I had noticed a few times that Aaron seemed unsatisfied after eating. Nothing major, just some fussiness.
The doctor and I decided that I would spend a day pumping to see how much I was providing for Aaron and then go from there. Trouble is...Aaron had never taken a bottle. We attempted to a few times when he was little, but he would rather skip the feeding and wait for me to be home for the next one. Jonathan and I agreed that we needed to try anyways so I could assess if he was getting what he needed. Our sweet, stubborn little boy skipped several feedings on Saturday while I pumped rather then take either my milk or formula from a bottle. I realized I was starting out with just barely enough at the beginning of the day and quickly lowering my levels, by the end of the day he wasn't even getting 3 ounces at a feeding.
After figuring out he definitely wasn't getting enough from me, we attempted to start supplementing, but we never could get him to take a bottle. After a very frustrating, emotional weekend, Jonathan and I decided it would be best to cut him off cold-turkey and start bottle feeding on Monday. I hated making that decision, but knew that Aaron getting enough to eat was far more important than my emotional tie to nursing.
So...that's how we got to Monday morning and when the screaming began. While Aaron has been a very easy baby so far, I think a big part of that is because I rarely mess with his routine. The few times we have tried to change anything (going to sleep on his own and no more swaddling) he struggled to adjust and took a while to get it. This was the hardest adjustment of them all. Had I known how hard this change would have been, I'm not sure I would have been able to make the same choices even though I know they were the right ones.
By mid-morning Monday, I had to start calling reinforcements because I just couldn't handle the crying on my own. Mal came over around 11 to help and Katy came over in the afternoon (thank goodness for them both having MLK day off!). We tried different bottle brands, different formulas, different people holding him, different ways to hold him and everything else we could think of. By the end of the day, Aaron had only eaten 2 ounces and those were mostly out of force. It was by far the hardest day I've had as a mommy.
After that each day has gotten a little better. On Tuesday, my mom stayed with Aaron while Caleb and I went to school. She got him to finally take a descent bottle and by the end of the day he had eaten 16 ounces. Not where he needed to be, but a start in the right direction.
He's been taking regular bottles since Wednesday. I'm relieved that he's starting to fall into a routine with them and I'm better learning what he needs/wants. As I said before, Aaron is very stubborn! His bottle has to be very warm and if it's not warm enough he refuses it. As soon as I warm it a little more, he guzzles it down! Today has been the best so far with somewhere between 32-24 ounces eaten. I don't think he needs any more than that!
To say this has been a hard week is the biggest understatement I've ever heard. I'm physically exhausted both from my own adjustments with stopping nursing and from having to hold Aaron a lot. I'm also emotionally exhausted from having to hear my child cry for so long knowing that if he would just accept it, the food was right there! It's also been hard to spend so much time focusing on Aaron when I know Caleb was needing attention too.
This verse was part of a book study I've been doing and was exactly what I needed on Monday morning when I just felt like giving up. I'm so relieved to have this step behind us and begin moving on.
"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 MSG
I have repeated this verse at least a hundred times this week and reminded myself that the Lord is my strength. I appreciate all the friends and family that have prayed for us during this transition, I know that a big part of getting through this has been the support we've had.
This week has completely revolved around Aaron eating and I'm so ready to think about other things! Sorry if this has been a long post. I like to mostly share all the good things, but sometimes it's good to share struggles too.
And to finish off this post, here's our boy after his 8 ounce bottle this morning!
